Friday, June 20, 2003
( 10:33 AM )
Yesterday was a rough day. Martin went to his new daycare for the first full day. We found a really wonderful place, a woman, let's call her "Miss R," has a child care in her home only 2 blocks from our house and is affordable enough for us to get one day a week so that P can have a day to get things done on the house, etc. We visited several times and Martin enjoyed the toys and the other kids. But yesterday when P dropped him off, Martin didn't cry but followed him to the door and watched him leave with an expression on his face (as P describes it) that said "why are you leaving me?" When P went to get him a few hours early, Miss R reported that Martin had alternated between being sad and wanting to cuddle to walking over to the door pensively all day long. The rest of the afternoon and evening he just wanted to cuddle. The hard part for me was that when I got home from work I wanted to comfort him after his rough day, but he only wanted to be comforted by Daddy - his "primary caretaker." I wasn't jealous or upset or anything, it's totally natural and he's only a baby. But something deep inside me still hurt a little that he didn't want his mommy and for a few moments I hated my life and my choices. It passed for the most part, though I confess I still get twinges of it. It's just hard sometimes to not get to be the one he spends time with. I suppose experiences like this are what life is about, but still.